Four's a Crowd
by m1ster-f1sh
Summary: Tord is moving back in to the Eddsworld residence! Unfortunately, he's gonna have trouble adjusting to his friends' changes in lifestyle, along with the crazy antics they get up to... (CHAPTER 3 PART TWO NOW OUT HOLY COW!)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"TORD'S BACK! TORD'S BACK!" Matt shouted, running between the kitchen and the front hall through the living room.

Edd and Tom ignored him, instead continuing to watch the Infomercial the TV happened to be blaring at the time.

"GUYS!" Matt shouted, gripping the back of the sofa. "AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME?! I SAID _TORD'S BACK!_"

"Matt, quit yelling," Edd said. "Tord said so himself, he isn't coming back." He picked up a Cola can from a nearby table and took a sip. "Besides, he left ages ago. What makes you think he's changing his mind now?"

Matt forcefully turned Edd's head to face out the window. "See for yourself!"

He, Edd, and Tom all ran up to the window, pressing their faces against the glass.

"Holy flapjacks with mustard on top," Tom muttered. "It's really him."

"What's he doing here?" Edd said in an equally low voice.

There was a knock at the door, and a rush to answer it.

"Hey, guys..." Tord said, rubbing the back of his head. "Listen, I meant to call ahead, but I couldn't get to a phone. Anyway, an, uh, _accident_ happened out where I was staying and I got thrown out. I was hoping I could, you know, crash here for a while...or something."

Matt was already nodding vigorously, but Edd pushed him aside and stepped in front. "Sure thing, Tord. Come on in."

"Thanks, Edd," Tord said quietly.

As they walked in, Tord didn't fail to greet the others. "Hi, Matt."

Matt grinned stupidly and waved.

"_Tom,_" Tord added in a strained voice.

"Hey, man," Tom said, raising his hands. "Last time we saw each other, you hit me with the car. Let's not start the same way."

"Whatever," Tord said, following Edd to the kitchen.

The moment they got in, Edd sat down at the table, opening another can of Cola. "Listen, Tord, things have changed around here a little bit."

Tord took a seat himself. "What d'you mean?" he asked.

"Well," Edd said. "First of all, we've got some neighbors. They're these three guys, and they hate us, so we hate them."

"Why do they hate you in the first place, though?" Tord asked, thinking that Edd seemed pretty un-hateable.

Edd shrugged. "I think they're American."

"Oh," Tord said. "Ha." The "ha" came out in an oddly strangled manner, like he didn't find the statement that hilarious but wanted to acknowledge it.

"More importantly," Edd continued, "We use your room as storage now, so you're gonna have to sleep on the couch."

"It can't be that bad, can it?" Tord asked, standing up and walking towards his room.

"Take a look for yourself." Edd had already beaten Tord to the door, and opened it for him to see.

Tord's eyes widened.

The room appeared to be bigger on the inside. Stacks of junk, the shortest at least twenty feet high, were all over. There was barely a small path into the room, and it appeared to lead into a labyrinth of hats, shoes, other assorted clothes, video tapes, DVD cases, pencil cases, shiny stones, paintings, crayon drawings, framed pictures of the whole gang (including Tord), framed pictures of the whole gang (sans Tord), just a few of Matt's framed selfies, and at least two refrigerators.

"The couch sound a little better now?" Edd asked.

"I'd get lost in here!" Tord exclaimed.

Edd nodded. "I bet you would. Tom tried making a map, but then we started to suspect some of the piles were moving on their own, so we just throw stuff in there." He paused, scratching his chin. "I guess we could try cleaning it out..."

"No, man, some other time," Tord urged him. "I'll just sleep on the couch. It's getting late anyway."

"It's only seven," Edd said.

"Well, I'm tired," Tord insisted. "G'night, guys." He attempted to flop down on the couch, only to find that Matt and Tom already occupied it.

"What are you two doing here?" he grumbled.

"Watching _Professor Why_, what does it look like to you?" Tom asked.

Tord grumbled, but he was obviously too tired to try and throw them out. He sat down instead in the armchair, and fell asleep pretty fast anyway.

* * *

><p><em>Well, there you go. An Eddsworld fanfic. I see these aren't too popular in this neck of the woods, but whatever. I do this mostly for fun.<em>


	2. Chapter 2: Grocery Shopping

**Chapter 2:**

_Grocery Shopping._

Edd got up early that morning, mind focusing on nothing but breakfast. He walked sleepily to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator door, and stopped dead. The fridge was almost completely empty, containing nothing but about an eighth of wheel of cheese and a can of grape Fanta.

Edd squinted into the fridge as if there was something in it he couldn't see. In reality, he was just confused. He could have sworn that it had been loaded with food the night before.

Despite his disappointment, he took the Fanta, opened it, and sipped, only to spew it all over the wall. "Ugh...TOM! MATT! TORD!" Edd bellowed.

Several crashing sounds emanated from Matt's room as he woke up ungracefully.

Tord, meanwhile, leaped out of his chair and stealth-rolled to the ground, pulling out a gun and firing bullets into the ceiling. "I don't know how you found me," he shouted, "but you'll never take me alive!"

"Guys, guys," Edd said. "Calm down." He walked into the living room, where Matt had also evidently arrived.

It appeared that Matt had made an attempt to get dressed, having thrown on his dirty clothes from yesterday; however, one of the legs on his jeans were rolled up, and his vest hung off of one arm.

Tord sat up, covered in plaster. "What's going on?" he asked.

"It's nothing, really," Edd said. "I just went to get breakfast and noticed the fridge was empty." He paused for a moment, looking around. "Where's Tom?" he asked.

"Oh," Tord said. "I think I heard him earlier."

"You did?" Edd asked.

"Yeah. He was messing around in the kitchen, and then he muttered something to himself about going to the gym to work off a midnight snack." Tord paused. "I think it was...two in the morning?"

"Ugh, when I get my hands on Tom, I'll-"

The phone ringing cut Edd off abruptly. He answered it promptly. "Hello?" he asked. "Oh, hello. Could you hang on for a second?" He lowered the phone. "Could you guys go grocery shopping? I don't have a list handy, so just get whatever." He was about to start talking into the phone again when he suddenly straightened up. "No, wait, not just anything! Get, uh..."

The room was empty.

"Dammit," Edd muttered. He raised the phone back to his ear. "Yes, hello..."

* * *

><p>Tord and Matt both got in the car, Tord taking the wheel.<p>

"Oooh, this is so exciting!" Matt squealed as the car pulled out of the driveway. "Me and Tord, off on an adventure!"

"Matt," Tord said. "We're just going to get groceries. It's nothing really that important."

Matt, of course, continued to sit with his knees against his chest and squeal excitedly.

As they pulled into the store's parking lot and Tord grabbed a shopping cart, Matt spoke up. "I bet I can spend more money on groceries than you!" he said, smiling mischievously.

"Matt, don't be ridiculous," Tord said.

Matt's face fell slowly.

"Of course you couldn't," Tord said. "I'm excellent at spending lots of money. While I was gone, I once maxed three credit cards in three weeks."

Grabbing a shopping cart himself, Matt grinned again, except this time he looked like he was about to go on a homicidal rampage. "May the best buyer win?" he asked.

Tord nodded, and both of them dashed for the store.

* * *

><p>Matt went about grabbing armfuls of whatever he thought appealed to him, wherever he went.<p>

"Let's see...peanut butter," he muttered, practically emptying the whole shelf. "Strawberry jam, grape jam, bread..." Suddenly, Matt was struck with a stroke of genius, if you could really call it genius when his entire idea was to spend as much money as possible.

"I know!" he said. "I'll go get Edd some Cola! He'd _love_ that!"

Matt raced to the isle containing the soft drinks, only to discover that they were completely out of plain Cola. The Bacon Cola, it seemed, was also gone.

"How in the-"

"Looking for something, Matt?" asked Tord.

When Matt turned to face him, he saw that Tord had taken every last drop of Cola. Single cans, six packs, twelve packs, entire liters of the stuff.

"Hey!" Matt said indignantly.

He was about to set off after Tord and _make_ him give him some Cola, but then he had another bright idea (or so he thought). When he looked back at the soft drinks, he saw rows...

upon rows...

upon rows...

upon rows...

...of _Diet Cola._

"Great!" he said, starting to depart for the nearest convenient aisle. "Edd won't mind something a little lighter than the usual fare, I'm sure! Now let's see, what's that stuff that Tom likes to drink...Swiftie, or something?"

* * *

><p>Tord had a different mindset; where Matt grabbed whatever he wanted, Tord just grabbed <em>whatever<em>. Canned meat, orange juice, garlic juice, onions, muffins, onion muffins, and cream-filled fish were just the tip of the iceberg.

After both of them had checked out (Matt had taken a little longer, as he had tried to insist on using the Express Checkout), they compared each other's receipts.

To Matt's dismay, Tord had beaten him by a long shot.

"Well, I guess I win," Tord said smugly.

"Aw, man," Matt said. "I knew I shouldn't have gone after the cheese when it said 'buy one, get one.' I thought that meant I would get it if I bought it."

"Yeah, well," Tord said, "We'd better get this stuff in the car and head back."

Matt nodded, tight-lipped in his defeat.

* * *

><p>"No," Edd said into the phone. "No, definitely not." Pause. "Yes, in fact, I can probably prove <em>fifty<em> good reasons why Fluttershy is the best pony-_oh, you guys are home!_ I'm gonna have to call you back," he added to the phone, hanging up.

Walking into the kitchen, Edd scrutinized his friends' massive piles of groceries. "Sooooo..." he said, rocking on his feet. "How did it go?"

"Tord beat me in a spending contest!" Matt said grumpily.

"A _what_ contest?"

"Yeah!" Matt turned around, arms crossed.

"Don't worry, Edd," said Tord. "We've got enough food for the time being."

Edd was now holding his head in his hands. Silently.

There were two loud thumps at the door (as though someone thought it would be more fun to punch it than knock), and Tom walked inside. "Hey, guys," he said, walking into the kitchen. He was wearing his jeans, an ASDF T-shirt, and a headband, and had an unpleasant odor hanging about him. "You would not be-_lieve_ what a morning I've had."

"Oh, Tom," Edd said, grinding his teeth. "You haven't seen anything yet. We need to talk."

"Edd...?" Tom asked. "Have those creepy teenage girls from down the street finally gotten into your head?"

"About the groceries. And while we're at it, maybe you can explain that ornament you've impaled on our new flagpole."

"It was one of those dumb Santa-Claus animal-things that sing, even _you_ hate those-"

Tom didn't get to finish, as Edd was now dragging him towards the front door.


	3. Chapter 3: ASDF World: Part 1: The Plane

ASDF World, Part 1.

* * *

><p>In a few days, everything had settled slightly. Tord usually slept on the couch while everyone else went about their day, and then disappeared during the night. Edd and Tom were suspicious at first, suspecting he might be stealing things, but everything he ever brought home had a receipt. Matt, of course, thought nothing of it.<p>

One day, Tom burst in on the others watching evening TV (which was the only time they were all in the same place). "Oh my gosh, you guys!"

"What is it?!" Everyone else sprang up excitedly, even Tord, possibly just out of routine.

"The creator of ASDF Studios, Mark Assduff, is gonna be at ASDF World next week for ASDFCON!"

"No _way!_" chorused Edd, Matt, and Tord.

"We should go!" Tom said. "Like, right now!"

"_YEAH!_" everyone shouted.

"I already bought the tickets online!" Edd said, pointing at his mobile phone.

"Awesome!" Tom said. "Let's go!"

"_YEAH!_" everyone said again, running outside and piling into the car.

As everyone buckled themselves and got comfortable, Edd started messing with the car's GPS. "Okay, GPS, how do we get to ASDF World?!" he said enthusiastically.

"Drive fifteen miles, then, take a right turn," the GPS said in a halting, digitized female voice.

Edd followed its directions faithfully, driving the car along while Tord, Matt, and Tom talked away. Music was also blaring over the radio, making the trip a very loud one.

"Turn left," ordered the GPS after an hour of driving on the highway.

"But...GPS...that'll take us to the airport," Edd said.

"Yeah?" the GPS retorted, "Well, maybe you should think about that _before_ you ask for directions to a theme park in the United States, chump!" With that, the GPS turned itself off.

"Well, I guess we'll have to fly there," Edd said.

"What?!" Tord asked from the passenger seat.

"I already bought the tickets. I'm _not_ trying to get a refund."

"Yay! We're going to America!" Tom and Matt cheered from the back seat.

"Guys, you don't understand!" Tord said. "While I was gone, I kind of...got placed on the no-fly list."

"What? How?" Edd asked.

Tord looked out the window. "Doesn't matter."

"Yes it does, Tord. How did that happen?"

"You remember the last Christmas gift that you sent me?"

"The Mega-Magnetic Super-User-Friendly Gravity Gloves?" asked Edd, sounding confused.

"Yeah," Tord said. "I opened them on the plane, and they were already turned on."

"Wait," Edd said. "How did you get it past security?"

Tord looked out the window again. "Doesn't matter."

"Well, it's no problem," said Edd. "We'll just sneak you in.

"What?" asked Tord. "That is a terrible, terrible idea. I'm not going to try it."

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later, four grown men, one in an Easter Bunny costume, walked into the airport.<p>

"Guys, I swear, this'll never work," Tord said. "Do you understand why?"

"Yeah, I understand _why_ it might not work," Matt said, "but I don't understand _how_ anyone can be racist towards bunnies."

"No, you idiot," said Tord, "My _face_ is sticking out!"

"I don't see what that has do with anything-"

Edd chose now to cut in. "Guys, listen, once we go through security, everything will be fine, now shut up."

Indeed, they had come through to the security check.

"Let's see," said the security guard, making checks on a clipboard as he said the names. "Edward Gould, Thomas Ridgewell, Matthew Hargreaves...Peter Rabbit?" The guard looked at Tord skeptically.

Tord grinned back at him nervously.

"Eeh..._bunnies_..." the guard muttered, checking him off the list. "Take your bags and go on. Your plane leaves in two hours."

"Yay!" Matt shouted stupidly, running off towards the nearest shop.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, Tord had already thrown his Easter Bunny suit in the trash. Now that he'd seen that security had been stupid enough to let him past, he doubted he'd even need such a thing again. Now, though, Edd looked like he was about to insist on something stupid. Tord braced himself.<p>

"Where's your bunny costume?" asked Edd crossly.

"I threw it away."

"_Why?_" Edd asked, leaning uncomfortably close to Tord's face.

Tord pushed him back. "Because the employees here are stupid enough to believe anything!"

"Oh my gosh!" someone said, standing far away. "That man's a criminal!" Alarms began blaring and people began panicking.

Immediately, Edd shoved a bunny-ears hood on Tord's head. "It's okay!" he said. "It's just a harmless rabbit!"

"Oh," said the bystander. "Never mind!"

The crowds settled down, and the alarms ceased.

The expression on Tord's face was one of disbelief. Disbelief at the idea that everyone could be stupid enough to believe he was a rabbit, that _anyone_ was stupid enough to believe it. This was it, he thought, this is the reason why I used to cry myself to sleep at night, the reason why, when I'm professional dictator of the world, I'm going to invest in better schools...

"Tord? Tord!" Edd said, snapping his fingers under Tord's nose.

"Hmngh?" Tord asked. "Where am I?"

"You're on the plane," Edd answered. "We've already taken off."

It was true; Tord was sitting on a plane, right between Edd and Matt. Tom had taken a seat across the aisle.

"What happened?" Tord asked.

"You were stuck in some sort of reverie for about an hour and forty-five minutes," Edd said. "I just kind of guided you here."

"Huh," Tord muttered.

* * *

><p>The plane had been in the air for about half of an hour when the snack cart first rolled down the aisle. The flight attendant came up to the gang in a curious manner. "Can I get ya'll anything?" she asked.<p>

"What've you got that's alcoholic?" Tom asked.

The attendant gave Tom a menu and turned to the others. "What can I get you three?" she asked.

"A cola and some of those skittles, please!" Edd said.

"Just some peanuts," Tord muttered.

"What he's having. But, miss," Matt added, looking concerned. "Where is all the noise coming from? It's way too loud on this plane, I can hardly hear myself think!"

"You can never hear yourself think," Edd snarked.

The flight attendant was still happy to respond. "That noise is coming from the engines, sir."

"Do you think you could maybe turn them off for a little while?" Matt asked. "I'd like to get some sleep."

The flight attendant gave Matt a chilly stare. He shut up, and she went back to assisting Tom and his companion.

* * *

><p>As soon as the seat belt icon went off overhead, Matt stood up. "Excuse me for a moment," he said, crossing in front of Tord and Edd and heading down the aisle.<p>

Tord and Edd payed no thought to this, continuing to watch their in-flight movie (the most recent and highly popular ASDF production, _Freezing_). Across the aisle, Tom appeared to be enjoying it much more than they were.

After a twenty minutes, Edd spoke. "You wonder what's taking Matt so long in the bathroom?"

"He's probably stuck trying to figure out how to lock the door," Tord laughed.

"Maybe he's trying to shut off the engine," Tom suggested. "Wasn't he talking about that?"

"Ha ha...yeah, he was. But he couldn't figure out how to do that even if there was a great big button marked **OFF** on it..." Edd muttered.

Suddenly, the sound of the engines died down, and the plane began to fall.

"What's going on?"

"What's happening?"

"Why'd the movie stop?"

"Are we..._falling?!_"

Amidst the screaming, panicking, and oxygen masks dropping was Tom, Tord, and Edd, all looking towards the back of the plane. "_Matt..._" they said in unison.

Way at the end of the aisle, Matt was grinning sheepishly. There were a bunch of severed wires in his hand and toilet paper stuck to his foot.

* * *

><p>The plane, almost by miracle, crash-landed in a deserted parking lot. A huge sign nearby said "ASDF World."<p>

The front door opened and the emergency airbag inflated. People started disembarking the plane.

"Holy Wizards in a Monster Truck, we're here!" Tom said.

A large truck pulled into the parking lot, stopping a few yards from the wreckage. A man stuck his head out the window. "Hey! Learn how to not park like a douche sometime!"

* * *

><p><em>Well, ha-ha! I maked a new chapter!<br>If anyone in this itty-bitty-teensy-weensy community has any suggestions to feature in the next chapter, I'm kinda open._


	4. Chapter 3: ASDF World: Part 2: The Park

**CHAPTER 4: ASDF WORLD: PART 2.**

The driver of the truck opened the door and hopped out. He was built like a bear, at least a head taller than Tord (who, being an inch taller than everyone else in Edd's gang, was the tallest in Edd's gang), and twice as wide. He wore a green sweatshirt with the logo of some American college on it, and a baseball hat with a similar motif. His hair was brown, and his beard, scruffy.

The uncanny detail was the fact that he looked an awful lot like Edd, regardless.

He had a few passengers as well, and they each looked much like other members of Edd's gang. Tom's counterpart (though obviously African-American and sporting a short beard, a gold tooth, sunglasses, and a baseball cap reading OBEY) was equally uncanny. Even the hockey-player-looking fellow in the Canada hoodie resembled Tord.

Most unsettling of all, however, was their Matt.

Though he dressed differently, with a long sleeved purple t-shirt and green scarf, he looked nearly identical to Matt in face and structure, minus the ginger goatee. The Tarbucks Coffee in his hand completed the hipster look.

"Uh," Edd said, gathering up the confidence to defend the pilot's dignity from the locals. "Why don't you stop picking on people with more skill than yourselves?"

The Matt lookalike looked frustrated, but the other three began laughing stupidly. This got the attention of everyone in the area.

The Edd Lookalike approached Edd. "Who're you, shrimp?" he asked.

"My friends call me Edd, but you can call me Edd," Edd said, folding his arms and looking up at the man currently casting a shadow on him.

"Ha ha, that's what they call me!" said the lookalike. "Eddie." He offered Edd his hand.

Edd took it and immediately had his crushed by Eddie's handshake.

"Anyway, this is Tony, Tommy, and Matthew." The other three waved, made an obscene gesture, and nodded, respectively.

"That's...great," Edd said, massaging his hand. "These are my friends Tord, Tom, and Matt," Edd said, gesturing to the others. They nodded, cracked their knuckles, and waved, respectively.

"From the UK, huh?" Eddie asked, leaning in close to Edd. "Why'd you come so far? Don'tcha have an ASDF Land up there?"

Eddie seemed a bit unpleasant to Edd. Not as nasty as Eduardo, for sure, but somewhat like a stereotypical dumb 80's high-school jock.

"We're here to meet Mark Assduff!" Tom said enthusiastically.

"Huh," Eddie said, straightening up. "Well, uh..." He sniffed, wiping his nose on his sleeves. "Welcome to America."

On this note, everyone started going back to their business. Some people took out phones and started making calls, but most of them, including Edd's gang, started walking towards the entrance to ASDF World.

* * *

><p>Though they initially tried to distance themselves from the strange locals, Edd and his gang seemed to attract the attention of their American doppelgangers.<p>

"You know, you remind me of myself..." said Eddie to Edd as they walked up the parking lot.

"I do?" Edd asked, honestly surprised. It had begun to rain, so he had put his hood up and shoved his hands in his hoodie pockets.

"...when I was twelve," Eddie finished. "Kinda short 'n' wimpy 'n' stuff, but still kinda cool, ya know?"

Edd kept walking, silent for a moment. "Uh...thanks, I guess."

Matt and Matthew, meanwhile, appeared to be enjoying each other's company.

"So, you get along well with your friends?" Matthew asked.

"Sure do!" Matt said. "All of them just adore me! How about you?"

"Oh, these guys?" Matthew asked. "They're just my college 'buddies.'" He made air quotes as he said this. "Thanks to my hygienic habits, Tommy and Eddie have become convinced I am a homosexual."

"They did _what_ to your _what_ because of your _what _now?" Matt asked.

"They think I'm gay because I shower more than once a week."

"Oh." Matt said. "So, what do you do for fun?" he asked.

"Well, I am taking several courses in computer engineering," Matthew said, pulling a Macintosh laptop out of his satchel and opening it. "I've already released three freeware indie games, and my website packed to capacity jQuery functions."

"Cool!" Matt said. "What's jay-query?"

"A type of Javascript function," Matthew answered.

"Javascript?"

"It's a programming language."

"What's a programming language?"

"You aren't very sharp, are you?"

"I don't think so."

"Well, at least you've always got your looks."

"Right back at'cha!"

Tom, meanwhile, seemed to be talking to Tony about how hockey was superior to American football, while Tord was showing Tommy some sort of deadly knife technique, nearly decapitating Matt in the process. If any of Tord's friends had heard the conversation they were sharing, they would have been very alarmed.

Finally, they arrived at the gates of ASDF World.

"We've gotta get our bags checked," Eddie said. "See ya 'round."

"G'bye," Edd and Tom responded.

Tommy made a gesture at Tord with both his hands. Grinning, Tord returned it.

"What was that about?" Tom asked him.

"A sign of mutual respect," Tord said, folding his arms.

After claiming their tickets and promptly giving them to some ASDF employees for admission, Edd, Tom, Matt, and Tord found themselves facing the entrance to ASDF World.

Much unlike the carnival-esque ASDF Land (or, as it had become under their management, "Fun Dead"), ASDF World was a full-blown amusement park. A gigantic amusement park; a roller coaster loaded with inversions and corkscrews wound right through the entrance arches, and some sort of psychotic gravity drop ride towered above regular buildings.

"Holy sawdust on a tray of browies!" Edd shouted.

Tom glared at him.

"What?" Edd asked. "I can express surprise however I want."

"What are we waiting for?!" Matt screamed. "This place looks amazing! I want to hit these roller coasters _right now!_"

"Screw the coasters, I wanna go meet Assduff!" Tom said, grabbing his face by the eye sockets.

"Well, why don't we just split up?" Matt asked.

"Hold on a moment," Edd said, pulling out his mobile. "If we wanna split up, we need to be able to get in contact."

Tom held up his own smartphone. Matt, on the other hand, pulled out huge brick of a cell phone. It had to be at least as old as he was.

"Great," Edd said. "I'm going with Tom, so Matt, we'll see you, alright?"

"_Yay!_" Matt shouted, gleefully running along.

* * *

><p>Edd and Tom navigated the crowds cautiously, as park-goers do. The streets and walkways were packed with people of every shape and size.<p>

"Look, there's the convention hall!" Tom said excitedly, pointing over the heads of other tourists.

A large, square building was visible not too far away.

"Let's go, then," Edd said, following Tom.

It was only seconds before Tom crashed into the back of a stationary person. "Hey," he said, "watch where you're goi-!"

The woman Tom had crashed into turned around and grabbed his tongue. For the second time that day, Edd saw someone who looked shockingly like Tom. If it weren't for just a few minor details that set them apart, she would have looked identical to him. Even her eyes were empty voids. "Watch your mouth, tourist!" she shouted. "I'm waiting to meet Mark Assduff, the guy responsible for this entire park!" She let go of his tongue and pushed him a foot away, turning around and muttering angrily.

The strangest thing about the event was that neither Tom nor "girl Tom" had seemed surprised to see each other.

"A-a line?" Tom asked. "Here? But the building's hundreds of feet away..."

Edd, with a great deal of protesting from Tom, climbed up on his friend's shoulders to look over the crowd.

The line was huge. Not only did it go all the way to the front door, it wound around the building multiple times.

"This could take a while," Tom muttered, pulling his Game Buddy out of his pocket and started a new game on his favorite RPG.

Thanks to his Game Buddy, Edd didn't really notice the passing of time. But at the point where he was about to take on the final boss of the game, they came to the front door.

"Oh my gosh, I can't wait to meet this guy!" Tom and "girl Tom" said in unison. Immediately, they shot surprised looks at each other, as though they'd just realized they looked almost identical.

They entered the building, and Edd's jaw dropped so low that it was lower than something that was really close to the ground.

Mark Assduff was standing in the center of the room, in front of a large ASDF poster. A few security guards stood next to him. The line, on the other hand, continued the same pattern from outside; winding slowly towards the center.

"Uhh..." Edd said, leaning towards Tom as he did so. "I think I'm gonna go grab a Cola."

Tom nodded slowly, mouth also wide open.

Up ahead, another woman seemed to be expressing a similar thought to "girl Tom," who reacted (predictably) exactly as Tom did.

Edd cut back through the line and out into the lively park once more. Tom, meanwhile, moved up slightly to fill in open space.

"So," he said. "I guess, since our friends are gone, we'll just have to talk to each other."

The young lady was silent, still apparently too shocked by the line to speak.

"Quite a long queue, huh?" Tom said, hoping a conversation would start and pass the time.

The woman looked at him, mouth squeezed tightly shut, as though she were exasperated by everything around her.

"Uh...got a name?" Tom asked.

"Tammy," Tammy said. "It's short for Tamara."

"Tom. It's short for Thomas."

"I didn't ask you for your name."

* * *

><p>As Edd walked back out into the open, he realized something unusual. It wasn't that Tammy's friend, who had left with him, looked nearly identical to him. It wasn't that a string of carts from a roller coaster was flying overhead as if it had flown off its track. On the contrary, he felt a presence.<p>

_Over there_, Edd thought, _over by the refreshment stand!_

Yes, not twenty feet away, a smug grin on his face as he ordered a Diet Cola. There he was.

"_Eduardooo..._" Edd growled, clenching a fist.

Apparently he said it louder than he meant to, because Eduardo's head turned to face him. He grinned maliciously and began walking over.

"Didn't expect to see _you_ here!" he said gloatingly. "Where are your loser friends at?"

"Wherever they wanna be," Edd said, folding his arms. "I trust them to be responsible for themselves."

At that moment, an explosion went off behind a thick bunch of trees, sending smoke, dust, and shrapnel about a hundred feet in the air.

"What the _bitch?!_" Edd shouted, recoiling.

A man with several burns and scratches climbed out of the bushes. It was Matt.

"I swear," he said, holding his hands up. "It wasn't me. Okay, well, maybe I had something to do with it, but on the whole, I think we can all agree that it was only about seven percent my fault."

Eduardo gave Edd his meanest, greasiest smile.

* * *

><p>"...and that's when I said, 'you know, a generous friend would let me <em>have some cake<em>!'" Tom said as he and Tammy neared the end of the line. Both of them burst out laughing at this.

"Next," said one of the security guards.

The two of them had waited long enough; they both entered at the same time.

"A group of two!" Mark Assduff said. "I'll give you guys a little extra time..." he continued, adjusting his watch, "...and, begin!"

"Mister Assduff, where do you get your inspiration?!" Tammy said quickly, a notepad in her hand.

"I bathe in orange juice, it's really quite refreshing." As Assduff spoke, Tammy wrote so quickly the pencil and paper began to smoke.

"Mister Assduff, do you watch Professor Why?" asked Tom.

"Absolutely."

"Mister Assduff," said Tammy, "how do you invent your characters?"

"They're usually just people I already know. I just change the name."

"Mister Assduff, what do you do for fun?" asked Tom.

"Parkour."

"No, I mean when you're sober."

"Drunk Parkour."

"I like you a lot, Mister Assduff."

"I get that a lot," Assduff commented. "Guards, could you stop this man from hugging me?"

The two security guards that stood by Assduff now reached down and pried Tom's arms from the man.

"Sorry, sir," Tom said. "Got a bit carried away."

An alarm suddenly went off, and several policemen came cutting through the line.

"We're sorry, but everyone needs to leave, right away," said one of the guards. "Mr. Assduff, come with us."

Tom held up his hands. "I'm honored that you would mistake me for such a legendary man, but Mr. Assduff is this fellow."

"We know that. You two look nothing alike." Not quite true. While Mark Assduff had spiked brown hair and a spherical head, he also had, among many other details, a unibrow, beard, and much more noticeably, eyes. "If all of you would please exit through the front, that would be excellent."

Tom followed the crowd out. Tammy did too, but she didn't hesitate to blow a raspberry at one of the officers.

"I wonder why they're making us leave," Tom muttered.

"I think _that's_ why," Tammy said, pointing ahead as the crowd dispersed outside.

There was a great deal of fire and panic outside. The fire was coming from a row of trees out to the right. The panic came from everyone else.

"Holy moley banana-fana-fo-foley!" Tom shouted, running out into the center of the plaza where Matt, Edd and Eduardo stood fairly calmly. "What happened here?"

Matt, scorched and scratched, responded with a shrug. "An accident."

"Ha ha, sure," Eduardo said. "Ain't _that_ the understatement of the century!"

_Eduardo!_" Tom shouted, pointing at him. "It's _your_ fault, isn't it!"

"Tom, relax. It's nobody's fault."

Tom looked skeptically at Eduardo. "But if you had to lay the blame somewhere, then...?"

"_Tom._" Edd said. "We need to go. Where's Tord?"

Tord took that moment to make his grand entrance. His hood was up, he wore sunglasses that looked like they had been stolen from a shop (complete with an attached price tag), and had his arms around the shoulders of two women.

Edd stared at him in disbelief. "Tord...what...the..." he asked, squinting at him and looking him over from top to bottom.

"What?" Tord asked, shrugging. "I'm just enjoying our vacation."

"Who're _they?!_" Edd sputtered indignantly, gesturing to the two young woman.

"Who, these guys?" Tord asked, raising his arms and gesturing to the girls. "They're old friends. Say hi, you guys!"

The two women introduced themselves as Jean and Wanda, walking up and shaking Edd's hand. Edd's expression remained in a form of shock; he honestly couldn't believe that an innocent vacation to ASDF World had become such a roller coaster of a train wreck.

Edd raised his hands to shoulder level, pointing with both at Tord. "Okay, listen. We need to go home before we get detained for questioning. Eduardo, bug off," he said, stopping Eduardo from making another sarcastic remark. "Save it for home, okay?"

Eduardo grumbled, but surprisingly, he walked away, pulling out his phone (presumably to call Jon or Mark).

"Okay," Edd said. "First things first. How do we get home?"

"Oh, oh," Wanda said. "We can help with that."

"What?" Edd asked.

"Well, we know Tord, and we know some of Tord's friends," Jean said, listing stuff off on her fingers. "One of Tord's friends (a guy by the name of Paul) can probably lend us a cargo boat to stow away on."

Tom, who had been standing silently next to Matt the whole time, said, "If this Paul person has that kind of transportation, why didn't we contact him in the first place?"

"Because, stupid," Tord said, "_I_ don't have contact with him. Jean and Wanda do."

"Guys, I wanna get out of here!" said Matt. "American police are scary!"

"Right. Follow us," Tord said, pointing in the direction of the exit.

The six of them started speedwalking immediately for the exit, attempting to attract as little attention as possible.

* * *

><p><em>Their return home, along with a short little misadventure, will be told in the next chapter. :)<em>


End file.
